The Meaning of Forgiveness

The Bible uses four key terms for forgiveness, three of which carry the sense of “canceling a debt.” When we sin, we incur a debt of guilt, and to forgive means to cancel that debt. It is as if the wrongdoer is told, "You no longer owe me anything. The barrier between us is gone."

Another biblical term for forgiveness conveys the idea of giving it freely and graciously. This reminds us that forgiveness is never deserved by the one who receives it. It is important to remember this: the wrongdoer deserves to face the consequences of their actions, but they are graciously forgiven. Forgiveness costs the one who grants it, not the one who receives it. The English word "forgive" comes from the idea of "not giving" what is deserved.

Sometimes, people hesitate to forgive, saying, "They do not deserve forgiveness." However, that is the essence of forgiveness—it is not deserved. If forgiveness were deserved, it would not be forgiveness. You cannot forgive someone unless they have wronged you and deserve punishment. Yet forgiveness means canceling their debt even though they do not deserve it, restoring the relationship.

The Motivation for Forgiveness

Why should we forgive someone who has wronged us? Why not make them pay for their actions? The answer is found in the scriptures: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Christians are called to forgive because God has forgiven them.

To be a Christian is to be a forgiven person. Our identity is rooted in the fact that God has forgiven our sins. We owed God an immense debt, one we could never repay, yet He graciously canceled it. Although we did not deserve forgiveness, God forgave us, and that should inspire us to forgive others.

Consider the parable of the unforgiving servant. In the story, the first servant owed an enormous debt, one that could never be repaid, even if he sold himself and his family into slavery. Yet, the master had mercy on him and forgave the entire debt. In contrast, the second servant owed the first servant a much smaller amount. Although it was still a significant sum, it was trivial compared to the first servant’s debt. However, the first servant, despite having received great mercy, was unwilling to show the same forgiveness to the second servant.

It is easy to condemn the first servant, but we often act in the same way. God has forgiven us of an infinite debt, yet we hold grudges and refuse to forgive others for minor offenses. This does not mean that the hurts others cause us are insignificant, but they pale in comparison to the forgiveness God has given us.

The Manner of Forgiveness

Forgiving others in the same way that God forgives us is a central teaching in Christianity. When God forgives a person, He promises not to hold their sins against them anymore. This is not because God forgets, but because He chooses not to bring up their sins again. The Bible illustrates this beautifully in Jeremiah 31:34, where God says, "I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." Similarly, Jeremiah 50:20 declares, "Search will be made for Israel’s guilt, but there will be none, and for the sins of Judah, but none will be found, for I will forgive the remnant I spare." This means that God’s forgiveness is absolute. It is as though He searched the universe for our sins but could not find them—they are gone for good.

In the same way, there are three important aspects of God’s forgiveness that should be mirrored in our forgiveness:

1. A Promise: When we say, "I forgive you," we are making a promise that we will not hold the sins of the person who wronged us against them. We promise not to raise the issue again—whether to the person who hurt us, to others, or even to ourselves.
   • To the person who has hurt you: Once you have forgiven someone, you cannot use their sin as ammunition in future arguments. For example, if you forgave someone for being insensitive, you cannot later say, "While we’re on the subject of insensitivity, remember that time last month when you said…." If you truly forgave them, you promised never to bring it up again. Holding it over their head would be going back on your word. Forgiveness, like canceling a debt, means acting as if it never happened.
   • To others: When you forgive someone, you must never mention their sin to anyone else. It is over and done with, forgotten, as if it never happened.
   • To yourself: This may be the hardest part. Once you have forgiven someone, you must not bring it up again to yourself. You must try to put it out of your mind, avoid brooding over it, resist wallowing in self-pity, and prevent bitterness from festering in your heart. This is especially difficult if what the person did was deeply hurtful, but with God’s help, it can be done. It should be as if it never happened.
2. Immediate: Forgiveness should be granted as soon as the person who wronged you repents and asks for it. This is how God forgives us—He does not put us on probation. Instead, He tells us to do the same. In Luke 17:3, Jesus says, "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them." The world may tell us to give it some time, to see if the person changes, or to let them stew for a while before forgiving them. But Jesus commands us to forgive them the moment they repent.
   He goes even further in Luke 17:4, saying, "If they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them." It doesn’t matter how many times someone sins against us—if they come to us with repentance and ask for forgiveness, we must forgive them fully and immediately.
   Why? Because that is how the Lord forgives us. How many times a day do we sin against God? How often do we commit the same sins repeatedly? Yet, every time we come to God in repentance, He fully and freely forgives us. Jesus’ teaching that we should forgive "seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:22) essentially means there is no limit to forgiveness because God Himself has no limit. Thankfully, because if there were a limit, we would all have reached it long ago.
3. Comprehensive: Forgiveness extends to every possible sin. Colossians 3:13 tells us to "forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another." It does not matter how severe, hurtful, or damaging the sin may have been—God requires us to forgive it.
   The world might say, "I will never forgive them for this." But as Christians, we cannot hold such an attitude about any wrong done to us. There is no sin so dark that God cannot forgive anyone who repents. How dare we impose a higher standard for our forgiveness than God Himself does?
   Imagine saying, "Yes, God may well have forgiven me for my rebellion against Him, for not worshiping Him, for not loving Him, for trampling over His laws, but I will never forgive this person for how they spoke to me all those years ago." Who do we think we are? Jesus makes it clear how He feels about such an attitude in the parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:32-34): "You wicked servant, I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" The master’s anger resulted in the servant being handed over to be tortured until he could pay back all he owed.

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Conclusion

Does it really matter if we choose not to forgive others? Certainly, it would be ideal to follow this command, but what if we don’t? Is it truly a big issue? Whenever we are tempted to downplay the importance of forgiveness, we need only to reflect on the Lord’s Prayer, which highlights how crucial it is: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” This is the only petition in the prayer that Jesus elaborates on (in Matthew 6:14-15), emphasizing its importance. Jesus teaches that there is no forgiveness for those who refuse to forgive others. If we are unwilling to forgive, it may indicate that we have never truly experienced God’s forgiveness ourselves.

This is a challenge for all of us:

• Perhaps we have wronged someone. If so, we need to go to the person we’ve sinned against and ask for their forgiveness.
• Or perhaps we are the ones who have been wronged. In that case, when a brother or sister comes to us humbly, asking for forgiveness, we should respond by saying, “My brother or sister, I forgive you fully, freely, and without reservation. I promise never to bring this matter up again—to you, to others, or even to myself.”